We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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