I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
