Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
