She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
