I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
