PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
