Don't you send me to vm
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
