Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have fence marks all over my body
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
