That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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