Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
