Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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