I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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