he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
