You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
