tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
