Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
