dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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