i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
