I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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