Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Holy shit dude........stairs
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
