Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
