you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
