Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
