I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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