It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
