I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
