puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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