Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
