How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
