Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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