the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
