His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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