i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
