Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
