guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
