im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
