Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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