it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
