He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
