After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
