I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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