I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
