turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
