ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
