i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
