Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
