we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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