is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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