I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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