You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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