I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
